Living with Loss

I've been living without my son for 27 months and 27 days. Do I count days? No, there really is no need to count days, I know he's not here, I taste it with each breath, I live it with each thought, I know it with every moment of each day. People often offer platitudes such as, "may time bring you healing." They naively think it true and thus present it as an offering of hope in times of despair. I begrudge no one who offers sympathy sincerely. Somehow it's a solace to the one offering that time may actually provide the recipient with the miracle of healing. But time does not heal. Time only brings a change to grief. Time does not alleviate the sorrow or diminish the anguish that comes with the death of a child. Time morphs grief into something different, maybe something more familiar we somehow learn to accept as a constant presence.  Understand however that familiar does not equate to comfortable. That grief is like a nasty tasting food that life shoves do

Last year I went to Little Rock and had the opportunity to visit the Clinton Library. It was quite impressive. There were glass cases filled with letters written to President Clinton. There were rooms filled with the beautiful treasures and gifts given to the Clintons while in office. I recall being enamoured by the trumpets on display, maybe because Wyatt played the trumpet, maybe because it was a piece of history. At the library, I saw Mother Teresa's letter to Clinton. She wrote to the President these words, " There is so much good you can do if you listen to God in the silence of your heart." (2 Nov. 1996) What a beautiful sentiment that speaks volumes. I've had the opportunity in the past few weeks to think about some things. That's been good...and bad.  It's not easy. Some days it's painful and full of sorrow. Some days it's full of hope for a good future. All the while, Mother Teresa's words ring true. God does speak to us if only we w

I am your worst nightmare.  I represent everything humans fear.   I force mortality to the front of your mind.  I am the thought you never wanted to think. I am the sadness you can't comprehend. I am the life you fear. My life is your nightmare.