Living with Loss

Sitting on the roadside this evening, I balanced my camera and tried to take a picture of the moon. It's a special place under the light of the moon. We have shared time together, sacred time. It was the moon that guided us home after Wyatt died, my heart knew it was him following us as the dark winter night carried on for hours. We've had many a conversation, me and the moon.  We are usually alone so we can talk. But tonight was different. There were others with us. After Wyatt’s death we quickly found shelter in the world of others who had lost a child. We, all different, knew similar pain. The parting gift of our children was bringing us together as friends who could hold each other in the darkness of grief and beyond. As I said, the moon and I were not along tonight. Do you see them, the children who brought us together? There they are. Our beautiful children dancing in the sky.  Greeting us with love. I know your name.  Hell

Yesterday I spent the better part of the day going through my son's things. I am the mother of an only child, thus I was want to save every little item he ever created. I recall from my years in a strong and wonderful support group there was this recurrence of the year seven. It seemed to me, people had the capacity to act at the seven year benchmark.  We are in year seven and I finally have the capacity to work my way through 20 years of memories. Coincidence, possibly. It doesn't matter why, it just is.  This time, seven years later, I was able to manage the memories and not quickly turn into a puddle of tears. I consider this a gift. I am grateful for capacity. I have come to this point by way of consistent support and love from family and friends, through counseling and medication, through exercise and meditation, through prayer and faith. The sources of my persistence are nearly endless.  When the fear takes hold, the practice I found and still find most helpful is t

Death is Just a Thing The summer sun shines on me with a brilliance that warms my bones, but my heart is lonely for the ones who have gone. My ears long to hear their words. My eyes to linger upon their beauty. But only memories remain, some blurring with the sand and the wind. Time marches on… Death is just a thing that happens in the wind. Hold the memories of love’s last words, A silent moment or a ruckus laugh. A giant hug or kiss on the cheek. Whatever it was, that moment shared, tuck it deep within your heart. For time will pass and take its toll, but love will last beyond death’s sting and shine within the memories we sing. 4.21.17 mw lambeth

"Ring the bells that still can ring Forget your perfect offering There is a crack in everything That's how the light gets in" ~ Anthem by Leonard Cohen