Living with Loss

Sitting on the roadside this evening, I balanced my camera and tried to take a picture of the moon. It's a special place under the light of the moon. We have shared time together, sacred time. It was the moon that guided us home after Wyatt died, my heart knew it was him following us as the dark winter night carried on for hours. We've had many a conversation, me and the moon.  We are usually alone so we can talk. But tonight was different. There were others with us. After Wyatt’s death we quickly found shelter in the world of others who had lost a child. We, all different, knew similar pain. The parting gift of our children was bringing us together as friends who could hold each other in the darkness of grief and beyond. As I said, the moon and I were not along tonight. Do you see them, the children who brought us together? There they are. Our beautiful children dancing in the sky.  Greeting us with love. I know y...

That moon called to me last night. During the first year or two of Wyatt's death, I often sat outside at night, just me and the moon. I would sit there for however long we needed together. I would cry and then somehow feel better after I talked to the moon as if it were Wyatt. Sometimes, I would wake at 2:00 in the morning and go in the back yard and sit under the light of the moon. The moon would peek through the trees as if playing a game with me. I would challenge myself to get a clear view as if we were having a conversation. Last night that moon called me again; I wrapped myself in Wyatt's quilt and sat under its brightness and talked to my boy. It's been a while since I've done that; it's not easy, it takes a lot to open your heart enough to feel the sorrow.  I had to cry. I had to tell him I missed him. After a bit, I came inside and as I went to close the window shutters, I looked out and there was the beautiful moon shining in the window ...