Living with Loss

As I was driving home last week my mind told me I finally had energy to put into living. I had this moment of complete joy. Then, almost instantly, guilt pushed into my mind. Grief is a wicked beast.  I drove down the road contemplating the battling emotions. I decided love must win; but, love only wins when we work at it.   Love must be coached out of and in to us.  We must be thoughtful about love.   Love is a powerful thing ... and yet it's fragile, not to be toyed with or taken lightly.   Love is a treasure that becomes more valued with time; each little nick and tear, each loss and each new beginning makes us need and want love even more. We are desperate for love.  Love is the antidote to sorrows, but it can be a fickle thing, and we are leery of its power, uncomfortable with the prerequisites for accepting it's healing.  Love is healing, but we fear it, shy from it and close our minds to its power. Being open to love means we will be expo...

Yesterday I spent the better part of the day going through my son's things. I am the mother of an only child, thus I was want to save every little item he ever created. I recall from my years in a strong and wonderful support group there was this recurrence of the year seven. It seemed to me, people had the capacity to act at the seven year benchmark.  We are in year seven and I finally have the capacity to work my way through 20 years of memories. Coincidence, possibly. It doesn't matter why, it just is.  This time, seven years later, I was able to manage the memories and not quickly turn into a puddle of tears. I consider this a gift. I am grateful for capacity. I have come to this point by way of consistent support and love from family and friends, through counseling and medication, through exercise and meditation, through prayer and faith. The sources of my persistence are nearly endless.  When the fear takes hold, the pra...