Living with Loss

As I was driving home last week my mind told me I finally had energy to put into living. I had this moment of complete joy. Then, almost instantly, guilt pushed into my mind. Grief is a wicked beast.  I drove down the road contemplating the battling emotions. I decided love must win; but, love only wins when we work at it.   Love must be coached out of and in to us.  We must be thoughtful about love.   Love is a powerful thing ... and yet it's fragile, not to be toyed with or taken lightly.   Love is a treasure that becomes more valued with time; each little nick and tear, each loss and each new beginning makes us need and want love even more. We are desperate for love.  Love is the antidote to sorrows, but it can be a fickle thing, and we are leery of its power, uncomfortable with the prerequisites for accepting it's healing.  Love is healing, but we fear it, shy from it and close our minds to its power. Being open to love means we will be expo...

When this journey began three and half years ago the anguish that filled my soul was so intense and so encompassing, there was nothing that could enter my mind but the horror of death and the absence of life. My soul was engorged with grief. It seemed writing was my balm, an outlet to share my hurt and the cathartic flow of words somehow released the pain. Yet now, words have no solace. Now, the grief is different, its changing to a more erratic and unpredictable creature that tucks neatly in the center of my life, lurking for the opportunity to jump in my face and throw me back to the reality of death. It's very sinister using hope as a weapon. Being blanketed in sorrow was easier, knowing nothing but sadness is simple; living with grief and weaving it into the fabric of life is daunting. Just when you think your moving forward, grief attacks and the silence of life's emptiness booms in my head. Hope dissipates. I understa...

                  Butch Boy  Sunny Girl                      We have this dog...Butch.  He's the sweetest thing ever and very simple minded. He's very skittish though, quick movements, loud noises and rainstorms always startle him.  Thunder and lightening and he turns into a nutty canine, pushing his body behind the sofa, tyring to fit behind the dryer, pulling down blinds from the windows and anxiously panting and pacing the floor. Butch and his sister Sunny "live" in the laundry room which is directly connected to the kitchen. Sunny, unlike her brother is a very confident and sometimes obstinate canine. She will saunter in the kitchen to the family room and plop on the floor...in the middle of the doorway. If you think she's going to move as you walk by, think again...