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We're getting ready to take a wonderful trip and I've been so excited about it.  It's our escape from the holiday of Thanksgiving.  I just can't bring myself to do Thanksgiving the same way as we did before. It was our favorite holiday...visiting with family, filling our bellies with culinary delights, sitting by the fire, chatting about life.  It was the best of times and we loved it. So, now we run away from that beautiful memory of our past existence, hoping that life will stop being so painful.

I bought a beautiful new dress and have been so excited about wearing it to one of the fabulous Vegas shows. I began packing and getting things together, then suddenly, it hit me. The tears began to rage. My chest began to tighten and finally the dam opened. Always like a fist to the chest, it knocks me down and I can do nothing but cry and hurt, and know there is no balm for this sorrow. I felt so ashamed, so selfish, for in that moment, I realized that I've been so consumed with my self, with my sorrow, with my feelings, with my loss, with my pain...that I haven't really thought about everything that Wyatt will not get to do and see and be. All of life and living that was taken from him so wickedly. Now, I can't stop crying for him and that pain is so much greater.

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