Two years ago today...

Two years ago today, your life as we knew it ended. Two years ago today, I fell to my knees in light of the horror that my precious child was burned in a horrific explosion. I begged for mercy, pleaded for your life, and crumbled in the fear of your death. I still see you there on that gurney, under those lights, waiting for the airplane to take to you to Shands. The weather so bad, we had to wait for it to pass and take you by fixed wing plane. Your dad and I arrived at Shands before you, waiting for hours in the emergency room for you to arrive.  Finally, there, again another little room where they tell you all the things you fear the most.  When I saw you again, I wretched and vomited for your body was so desecrated; my beautiful, wonderful, precious child lay there burned, dying and there was nothing I could do to help you, to ease your pain, to comfort you.  For twenty one days, you fought that battle my precious son, like the brave warrior that we raised, like the source of your name, Little Warrior. For twenty one days, surgeries, skin grafts, collapsed lungs, failing kidneys, blood transfusions…whatever archaic or futuristic thing could be thought of…you fought.  You fought. You fought, but death always wins.

We spent Christmas by your side, Elizabeth made sure you had a tree in your room.  There were no gifts to share, no words exchanged, only hope that one day you would again be in our world, whole, able to play and fish and live and love like all good boys should be able to do. We hoped. We prayed. We cried.  We begged.  We pleaded. But death always wins.

Those people, those wretched, horrible people, who used you without thought for your safety or your welfare, abandoning all regard for law and even for that of basic humanity, for all that is good and right; those people who so selfishly and thoughtlessly took you from this world, I will not be able to forgive them. I cannot forgive them, they took too much from me, too much from us, from this world. Their recklessness, their negligence, their selfishness, their lies and their treatment of the accident and your death with such casualness, for that I shall harbor a hatred in my heart as deep and powerful as my love for you until the day I take my last breath. 

My beautiful boy so kind and generous,

My precious child that brought me light and joy and showed me how to live,

My wonderful son who gave me meaning, purpose and hope,

 I love you so my beautiful boy, my precious child, my wonderful son.