What about that beer?

I wrote this on July 27th, about a week before Wyatt's Birthday...

As time moves forward, Wyatt never changes. He continues to be the young man of 20. He hasn't changed in two and a half years, but all his friends have. Grieving through time is like looking through a cloud that obscures the beautiful view of change. All the others have changed as children should do at such an age, they have married, had babies, changed jobs, moved to new places, gone off to college...Wyatt is 20, forever 20. Wyatt is dead.

In a week, if life had been what I thought it would, I'd be celebrating and wishing my son a happy 23rd birthday. Knowing that I will never experience that joy, that I live my days without my son living, that I will never see him grow into who he was to become...this time has weighed heavy on my heart and my body. I am tired, tired as if the weight of the world rests on my shoulders. Is that grief? Is that sorrow and longing for what I can not have? Is that just life? I don't know; I just know that I find living to be a chore.

I struggle to find the joy or passion in life. I want to sing a song of praise...truly I do, but I'm too tired to do it, I'm too filled with sadness to dance to life's music.

I thought the other day, I never shared a beer with my son. I wish that I had.

Comments

Seeing God Where I am

O God, who created all peoples in your image, we thank you for the wonderful diversity of races and cultures in this world. Enrich our lives by ever-widening circles of fellowship, and show us your presence in those who differ most from us, until our knowledge of your love is made perfect in our love for all your children; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Carolyn A. Rose I've had the distinct privilege in life to have traveled to various places, some vastly different from my home, and some quite similar. Regardless of the magnitude of differences, I can always feel the uniqueness of the place. After a while, certainly I long for the familiar comfort of home... but I always return with a fuller heart and a more open mind. Then it's like a siren song calling me back to seek more, ask more, learn more and inwardly digest it to build me into a more understanding and compassionate being. In a class I am taking, we were posed this question: How have ...

Blessings

Wyatt It's been over ten years since we said our final goodbye to the human form of our son. Following his death we created a nonprofit organization to help support the Wyatt Lambeth Legacy Welding Scholarship at Lively Technical College. Through this foundation, we granted $500 scholarships to 38 students in the Lively Welding Program and distributed multiple grinders and Georgia boots. The scholarships have been a healing salve and each donor, each recipient, and each person who applied for a scholarship was and is a valuable part of our grief journey. Selecting recipients was challenging and we always wished we could give more, could help more. Ultimately, the gift is knowing we do what we can and each person who received a scholarship, a grinder, or a new pair of boots, was one step closer to the future he or she set in motion. In our hearts we are confident Wyatt would be pleased to help his fellow students in this way. While we have dissolved t...

I AM

A little step away from my personal grief journey and a turn toward the current times. As of today, over 100,000 humans around the world have died due to the worldwide pandemic of Coronavirus or COVID-19. People are isolated. Borders around the globe have closed. Schools are closed. Airlines are grounded. Massive amounts of food sits rotting unable to be distributed. People are hoarding and supply chains are stressed. Businesses have closed. Governments scramble. Hospitals are maxed. Care centers are incubators of death. Medical personnel are at higher risk than ever yet we demand more and more from them. The bodies of the dead are left to rot on the streets, held in morgues, or turned into mass graves. Funerals and memorials are in abeyance. There is neither time nor place for grieving. Isolation is wicked. Tensions can be high and panic pervasive. Blame begins. Anger festers to hatred. The fragile nature of our ex...

Living with Loss

Search This Blog