Skip to main content

So comes mourning

I've been harboring these woeful thoughts for quite a while now, pushing them to the deep and dark places of my being. I know it's not healthy, but what is a person to do? Living goes on and like it or not, I'm a part of the living. I know all the psychological precepts of how suppressing our emotions can bring disastrous consequences and for a while I somehow made myself believe that I was coping with this tragedy of ours. I know now it was false coping and how seriously dangerous that can be.

Apparently, the emotions were just simmering in my gut, bubbling every now and again bringing out a little tear or short cry. I thought maybe the grieving that was so absolutely exhausting and encompassed my being with tormenting agony was over.  I could in fact go through the days and manage my self enough not to cry at the innocuous objects that frequently spark my memories to light, sting my soul, and remind me he's dead. I am pretty good at showing that facade, Ive got it down. I ask myself, who out there thinks I should be mourning my dead son almost three years into the journey? There are only a couple folks I know of who would affirm my need to continue to mourn, not grieve, to mourn, to rent my clothes, wail in sorrow and feel the depth of his death as if it were today. Not even I wish to be in that place, but somehow there I stood, in that horrid wretched place unable to escape the tragedy of it all.

I broke. What was it? I don't know. My day at work was rather hectic and stressful, I felt my anxiety level escalating throughout the day. By the time I got to my car, the tears were flowing. When I arrived at home, the wailing began. I crawled into my son's bed, laid on the quilt made of his clothing and lamented his death, longed for his presence, and ached from all the pain and sorrow in my life and the memories of that awful time. The knowledge that he's gone from this world rushed over me like a storm, stealing in it's wake all the future wonder and beauty that should have been. Again, I was pelted with the arrows that reminded me how deeply I miss him.

And now, I breathe. Slowly, carefully, knowing the simmering emotions sit qualmishly in my belly, bubbling ever so easily until again mourning comes with that full rolling boil of anguish and assaults my weary facade.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

God Moment

I was thinking of when I created this blog and named it.... Living with Loss, I knew I would have to live with this loss, but at that time I wasn't living, I was surviving. It was a goal of sorts… but also a mission to keep breathing. It is only now, over six years since the death of my son that I have begun to know how to live again. The sharpness of those first months and years have softened and the pangs of grief strike less frequently, though when they do they rage with vengeance. What a journey of emotion these past six and half years have been from overwhelming and consuming grief, disbelief and shock, depression and fear, finally acceptance and the incorporation of the loss into our lives.  I remember in the first months after Wyatt's death, I would walk through the house and tell myself he had gone on a very long trip to a place far, far away. He was unable to contact me and I unable to contact him. I later learned counselors think this is a poor method for ...

Seeing God Where I am

O God, who created all peoples in your image, we thank you for the wonderful diversity of races and cultures in this world. Enrich our lives by ever-widening circles of fellowship, and show us your presence in those who differ most from us, until our knowledge of your love is made perfect in our love for all your children; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.   Carolyn A. Rose I've had the distinct privilege in life to have traveled to various places, some vastly different from my home, and some quite similar.  Regardless of the magnitude of differences, I can always feel the uniqueness of the place. After a while, certainly I long for the familiar comfort of home... but I always return with a fuller heart and a more open mind. Then it's like a siren song calling me back to seek more, ask more, learn more and inwardly digest it to build me into a more understanding and compassionate being.  In a class I am taking, we were posed this question: How have ...

The Yin and Yang and a Rock

A husband and wife (spouse/partner) generally have different ways to soothe their sorrows, express their grief, and to move forward in life. Finding a balance that respects each other is imperative to land in a healing place. Moving forward can be challenging and scary because all the while you want desperately to keep alive the memory of what was once the living representation of your union.   My husband and I have very different ways of coping with our grief. I see him as an active griever. My way is a bit more clandestine. He finds comfort in listening to the songs our son enjoyed, driving his truck, visiting the places he went. For him, these things are a connection to our son.  To be in concert with a person who knew Wyatt, or to be in a place they were together is a heartbeat for him.  Me, I retreat to a veiled silence. The songs, the places, the things; more often than not, they evoke fear and sorrow in my heart.  The marrow of my being hurts an...