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Your Joy

The other day friend shared a photo of his daughter and said, she was about to have his first grandchild, a boy.  He sent her the cradle that he made when she was young so the baby can sleep next to her.  He was so full of joy and exuberance over the pending birth.

I too felt joy for him to become a grandfather and her as a new mother.  My thoughts went back in time to when I gave birth to my beautiful son, how my stepfather built him a cradle that we kept by the bed in our room.  We still have the cradle.  It was the cradle that sparked my pain.  Being a grandparent is a joy that we will never know and parenthood will not be known to our son.

Parenthood with all it tribulations is by far the most magnificent experience.  There is nothing in my life that compares to being a mom.  When I look at Wyatt’s cradle,  I know my center is gone from this world, that my future stopped on January 1, 2010. My life took a different path from my plan and I had no choice. 

Wyatt may be gone from this world but he lives in my heart.  It is however the loss of the physical presence that can be so excruciating.  But his life, his love, his being will be with me forever. 

So understand, it’s not that I don’t want to hear the stories of your future, your life, your happiness, your memories in the making.  I do.  It’s just that you will have to allow me to show my pain and sorrow for our loss as we share in your present joy.  I may cry, I may turn away, I may speak, I may remain silent – but your joy is important to me

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