I'll call you...

I've been thinking about how the death of your child or grandchild can affect your life. I think this loss changes us irrevocably. There is a pain so deep, so foreign to heart and mind, so intense that when experienced we are no longer the person we were just moments before. I am no longer Mom.  My mother is no longer Memaw.  My mother-in-law is no longer Grandmother.  People may say that no one can take that from you; but someone did. My son will never call out to me again and yell..."Hey, Mom..." I will never bake him a cake or purchase him a little gift I think he'd enjoy, he will never again wrap his arms around me and lift me into the air just because he could and to hear me laugh, he will never again say thank you or I love you. My mother will never hear him say, "Hi Memaw, for of nine grandchildren, that was his name for her, only Wyatt called her Memaw. My mother-in-law had one grandchild, just one, our Wyatt. She will never again hear him on the other side of the phone calling to wish her Happy Birthday Grandmother, the birthday they shared. Wyatt was blessed with three grandmothers and they each had a unique moniker he bestowed upon them, for each was special in his life.


Can you imagine if somehow in the instant of a breath, someone stole your most precious moniker and all its entrapments and accouterments. Wife, daughter, sister, niece, aunt, friend, co-worker, cousin, companion, comrade, communicant...they matter not when you're no longer mom or grandmother or memaw or grandma.

When I look at photos of Wyatt I simply can't believe that he is no longer here.  It's not possible in my world. He was here, he was my gift, he was my son, I can see the glint in his eyes, the smile on his face, the love of life dancing on his skin....We don't loose our children. We don't loose our children...