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Anger Rising

First, I'll tell you I've spared some of the detail on this post...it really does not show the extent of my anger..but just to give you a little idea...I'm angry...
I’m angry that I can’t hold my son in my arms and tell him how wonderful he is… I’m angry that I will never have a child in my life, I will never be grandma, I’ll live in this place as just a piece of time, expired when I take my last breath…so what, she was here.  Not….did you know she was Wyatt’s mom, he’s such a wonderful young man, look at everything he’s done, I know she was very proud of him.  No, not me, I’m just an empty, barren, vacant piece time on this wretched planet.
I am so angry, so full of rage, frustration and hatred, if my heart could just explode and release the fury it would be such a relief.  I am so angry at this place, this time, this life.  I am furious that I am here, in this time, this situation; I don’t want to be here.  I hate where I am in this life, I hate this life.  I hate that my life was taken from me; the life I wanted, the life I created, stolen, crushed, and turned to ashes. I’m angry that there are stupid people in this world. I’m angry at people who say and do the most insipid things. 
I’ve tried so hard not to be angry…I don’t respect anger, I find it futile.  But when everything you have has been taken, it is very difficult not to be bitter.
Today, I screamed at God, I’ve never screamed at my God, I’ve never lost faith in this walk…but yesterday and today, I feel as if I’ve been forsaken.
It’s a lonely feeling of which I am not pleased to know.
I don’t want to be this person anymore.

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